What Am I To You?

What am I to you? It has been months since we started this dance. The longer we observe this routine, the better it should change into. The simpler it turns into, the tougher it is going to be to neglect. The tougher it’s to neglect, the better it turns into to imagine. And the better it turns into to imagine, the extra harmful it turns into to proceed our dance. I don’t wish to assume. So I’m asking, in one of the best ways I understand how, by way of phrases spewing from my fingertips: What am I to you?

What am I to you? I ask as a result of it’s 2019, the place many need the valuable artwork of exclusivity but ceaselessly observe portray footage of “going with the movement,” and “retaining issues informal.” I too know find out how to stroke portraits of casually driving the waves of going with the movement, however I solely accomplish that if my paintings will domesticate into one thing unique.

What am I to you? I’ve to ask as a result of it’s 2019, the place most say they hate indulging within the superficial pond of the relationship sport but secretly get pleasure from getting drunk from taking part in the sphere, sipping on the fun of the chase, and feasting on the non permanent excessive each time a brand new candidate flashes a smile, wink, or one thing extra.

What am I to you? I ask as a result of, though I’ve an old style romantic spirit, I stay in a brand new college keep-it-casual tradition and wish to find your truest intentions earlier than deploying my coronary heart. These days, most chase me as a result of I possess one thing they name enjoyable. I’m good at enjoyable, however I’m way more. Should you look intently, you’ll shortly understand that this fun-sized Ferrari is a uncommon commodity that can’t be duplicated.

What am I to you? I have to ask since you generally tend to string collectively a collection of phrases that I don’t like. Phrases that cut back my worth to merely an choice. I’m undecided in case you do that to supply a response, free your insecurities, therapeutic massage your ego, or to easily create an uncomfortable type of humor. You observe up these phrases with “it’s only a joke” or “you’re too delicate.” Properly, I’m younger, naïve, and chill sufficient to seek out the thrill of a joke. I’m additionally outdated, sensible, and delicate sufficient to see the truthfulness buried inside them.

What am I to you? I’ve to ask as a result of your decisiveness is manipulated by confusion. You handle to concurrently make really feel safe whereas additionally hanging the chords of unsureness. You speak as if our future is a vibrant one unaffected by time and house whereas additionally reinforcing the temporality of our state of affairs. You handle to make me really feel just like the one and solely but additionally only a title on an inventory.

You make me really feel confused. I believe that it’s since you’re confused too.

What am I to you? I have to ask as a result of I’ve spent my scorching boy summer season fixated on you. For that fixation to occupy my fly boy fall, I’m going to wish some assurance. Assurance that I’m greater than only a 5’5 placeholder till the following flashier however lesser model of me arrives. Assurance that I’m the calamari, steak, French fries, and broccoli with cheese that you just routinely eat. Assurance that I’m the Perrier, lime, and chilled glass that you would be able to’t go with out. Assurance that I’m the candy apple pie (with the crumbs) on a late Sunday evening. Assurance that there isn’t a me, you, plus them. Assurance that you really want me to be a staple in your cupboard, very like peanut butter is in mine.

Critically although, what am I to you? This isn’t me being delicate. That is me being actual. It is a actual query from an actual individual unafraid to confront actual feelings in an try and really feel one thing actual. Please don’t mistake my astute emotional intelligence as an train in sensitivity. Nah bruh, it’s truly a lesson in vulnerability.

So inform me, what am I to you? As a result of I stand at a crossroad, ready to enterprise down any of the paths in entrance of me. It’s best to know I gained’t stand right here for lengthy. Not as a result of I can’t—I’m affected person sufficient to proceed this sport for fairly some time—however as a result of I shouldn’t should.

I’m value extra.

I shouldn’t really feel like this factor is a contest. If it actually is, I cannot compete, as a result of I’m value greater than your entire rattling sport.

I shouldn’t really feel like nothing greater than an choice, as a result of if I’m, I’m value greater than choices A-Z and all of their subparts.

I shouldn’t really feel like only a title on an inventory of names, as a result of if I’m, I’m value greater than your entire rattling checklist. I’m the checklist.

I shouldn’t really feel like a complicated puzzle piece that you’ve but to find out in case you can or can’t do with out, as a result of in case you haven’t realized by now that I’m a invaluable copart, you then, sir, won’t ever be prepared for me.

So, I’ll conclude the identical means I started—with a query, one which isn’t rhetorical or supposed to easily stay on the web page for which it’s written. What am I to you? TC mark

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