We weren’t technically relationship — however that doesn’t matter. You knew how I felt about you. You knew you have been main me to imagine you felt the identical manner. You knew flirting with another person in entrance of me was going to utterly and totally destroy me. And you probably did it anyway.
You probably did it, though I used to be proper there subsequent to you. You probably did it, though you knew it could harm me. You probably did it, though you knew it was incorrect.
You solely cared about your self. You cared about your ego. You cared about what number of ladies you could possibly trick into liking you directly. You cared about wanting macho, wanting cool, getting your horniness out of your system. You didn’t care about me. You didn’t take into account the best way your actions have been slowly consuming away at my self-confidence.
The worst half is, I allow you to get away with how horribly you handled me. I allow you to apologize. I allow you to bullshit your manner again into my coronary heart. I ought to have stood my floor, referred to as you out on being disrespectful, and refused to waste any extra of my time with you. However I selected to remain. I selected to present you one other likelihood, and one other, and one other.
I notice it’s partially my very own fault, however fuck you for making me really feel like nothing. Fuck you for making me ponder whether you appreciated another lady greater than me, whether or not you’ll slightly have her, whether or not there was one thing I lacked that she had, or whether or not we have been all interchangeable to you.
I want I’d have walked away from you the primary time you flirted with another person proper in entrance of my face — however I went in the exact opposite route. I attempted my hardest to seize your consideration. I spent hours on my hair, my make-up, my eyebrows. I wore garments based mostly on what I assumed you want to greatest. I did every little thing I might to get you to love me, to selected me, to desire me.
Fuck you for making me really feel like I used to be caught in some form of competitors — and was shedding. Fuck you for making me struggle on your consideration, for making me really feel like I used to be doing one thing incorrect, for making me query my very own worth. Fuck you for utilizing my emotions in opposition to me. Simply since you knew you could possibly get away with treating me like shit and I’d keep, didn’t imply you needed to really do it.
I want you’ll have dealt with the state of affairs otherwise — however I want I dealt with it otherwise too. I want I hadn’t allow you to get away with treating me like a backup plan. I want I’d have referred to as you out. I want I’d have stood up for myself. I want I wouldn’t have wasted a lot time on somebody who refused to decide to me, though I did every little thing in my energy to make you see my inside value.