Marrying my job. Marrying a job that belongs to another person.
Treading water via my twenties. Simply exerting all this vitality to remain afloat. By no means shifting ahead or again. Simply present proper above the floor.
Marrying somebody who wears a swimsuit day by day and solely believes in stability and thoroughly crafted logic. By no means getting a canine with him as a result of he says pets are a waste of cash. By no means pursuing my artistic desires as a result of he says a roof over our head is extra essential than pipe desires. Recapping my day-to-day at a job that I hate to him over a prepackaged ingredient cook-it-yourself dinner with a bottle of Dealer Joe’s wine that I tolerate whereas he nods in between checking his cellphone.
Getting excited when I’ve a proposal for one more job that I’ll for positive develop to hate. By no means having the ability to specific my hatred as a result of a roof over my head has out of the blue grow to be extra essential to me than writing.
Flavorless bitter espresso. By no means consuming it with cream and sugar or something that ends with “ccino.” Eliminating pleasures for practicality. Eliminating comfort for survival. Solely dwelling for survival.
Going to mattress earlier than 10 p.m. as a result of I’m at all times so drained. I’m already so drained. Getting upset with pals who name me at 9:45 p.m. on a Friday as a result of I’m already asleep.
Realizing it’s not only a part.
Being asleep for the remainder of my life.
Actively selecting unhappiness as a result of it’s the trail I’ve been advised to take. Holding complacency between each arms and saying, “It will do.” Listening to folks much more depressing than me on whether or not or not the work I produce is on par.
Trying again after I’m about to go and questioning what would have occurred had I been just a bit bit braver.
Asking myself if being cautious acquired in the way in which of letting myself stay.